Diary of a Control Freak

My job profile since 1987 has been constant interaction with hordes of lively 4 – 13 year olds. Most of this contemporary pack of tots, teens and in-betweens seem to be fixated in Freud’s Egocentric Stage – ‘Why is the sky blue?’ “because it is my favourite colour” or ‘Why is the grass green ?’ “because I want it to be that way”. Amusing as it may appear, one however must from time to time keep them on a tight leash for the sake of their own sanity as much as for mine.

This attempt to tighten the leash sometimes (actually to be honest often times) makes me yell and rant at them (all in good humour I do assure all those doting mamas who entrust their fragile brood in my care) or organize events for the children to the last detail.

My therapist states that this because I am a control freak and not because I need to ensure the safety and well-being of this unruly bunch!

Imagine if on a hike in this glorious monsoon weather one of this boisterous gang should decide ‘hey lets leap of the edge of this hill because I can fly’ (remember Freud’s egocentric stage?) Not an overstatement I promise because they are capable of such antics!

But my therapist still feels I am a control freak.

Barely had I gotten used to this personality revelation, my landlady (I reside in a rented premises) has hauled me off to the Small Causes Court to have me evicted from my home and hearth on a technical error of judgment I made 10 years ago. So now I am doing the rounds of the lawyers and law courts.

And guess what? According to my therapist I invite challenges because I wish to prove to myself that I can overcome and control those challenges!

For the first time in many years I encountered a young person with remarkable artistic talent, but one who would rather remain in the shadows. Being all gung-ho about the ideas this young person sprouted I in my (I presume my therapist would say controlling manner…sigh) enthusiasm egged the young person to present the art workshop to the group it is intended for.

But God help the young person also felt that I just wanted to get him to say yes, so I am supposed to be (no prizes for getting the correct answer) a control freak.

To get back to my therapist, I need to ‘go under’ good old Freudian hypnosis to diagnose the root of this controlling behaviour. According to this analyst in one or more of my past lives I had probably lived under severe domination – slavery perhaps – and had carried forward memories of these past experiences in to my present life and wanted to reverse this injustice. Although this sounded so reminiscent of Jungian theory of the ‘collective unconscious’ I refused point blank much to my therapist’s delight – “there I told you, you are a control freak, you just do not want anyone to control you!”

Sigh some days you just can’t win! Lol…………

This is dedicated to Dr. Sonali Saraogi for her infinite belief in me. The proof of the claim lies in the fact that both her sons are hard-core members of all my ‘controlling’ tots, teens and in-between interactions in our ‘Know Your Environment’ recreational session for young ones.